Original Comment:   PFCAndersensWife "I'm one of the youngest army wives, I'm barely eighteen. I don't understand, I've been with my soldier for almost two years, I'm going through deployment, and I know what it's like and how hard it is to always be the strong one. I'm just sick and tired of the all the crap or unwelcomeness from the other army wives. We all go through the same thing, experience the same lonely night and everything so why should my age be the only thing other people see? Why not know the real me. Here's something I wrote before, I think any military wife knows how it is: "Leading up to your very first deployment you know what's going to happen but everything seems fake. It seems as though that time will always stop for you and the one you love most, your soldier. An army love is different than a normal love. It is better than a normal love. It's stronger, more secure, and more meaningful because that "guarantee" of time with them is never taken for granted. Still leading up to deployment, you go to the preparation meetings and everything feels fake except for the hand holding yours. With me being younger, most of the other wives give me looks like I'm completely naive and not good enough to be apart of their "cliche." Even so, I keep my head high and fixed forward like I'm proud, but not arrogant. Once the days start counting down, you try so hard to be strong and not let him see you feel like you're dying inside. The days right before you feel less and less hungry, I lost my appetite most of the time. The final day when he has to leave you're standing there with him just thinking this could be the last time you ever see him. Last time to kiss him, hug him, smell his freshly-shaven face, and feel his warmth. Which always turns out the be the only real warmth you feel during deployment. Once you see him board the plane you feel so alone even when you're in a crowded airport. People there who aren't another wife, either look at you with pity or sorriness, or with skepticism of how can you be with someone who just leaves and might die? Once you start to walk out of the airport, even though your eyes are filled with tears and you can't really see. You still manage to find your way around and go back home. You keep telling yourself that when you get home you're just going to sleep because you feel so emotionally drained and tired even though it's still in the morning. But when you get home, all you can do is cry... From there, days just drag on, routine he essential to some degree but doing the same thing everyday will only make deployment seem longer. First couple weeks are hard to first adjust to life after they leave, for the most part you have to come up with a whole new schedule. After the adjustment period, you fade into the months waiting for r&r. Some soldiers aren't as lucky to get it. You don't really feel the warmth of the sun. You don't really see all the bright colors. And you don't really hear what people are saying. All you hear is them talking about unimportant things and it makes you wonder how people can take so many things for granted. Of course when r&r comes you get all excited and enjoy every moment you spend with them; however, you know they have to leave again in two weeks so sometimes you push them away so it doesn't hurt as much when he leaves again, but in the end. Nothing helps. Again, the second half of deployment starts, your routine starts again, but this time, you know what to expect so it's a little easier, but not much. Especially when you're having one of those kind of days. Nothing seems to go right, he hasn't called in awhile, and just everything else is just GRRRR. When you lay down to go to sleep all you can do is think about all the bad things and your mind keeps wondering in that direction. From suppressing the loneliness and sadness and everything else from missing them, this time of night, you let it all out. Letting yourself fall asleep with tears still wet on your face... "" 71 weeks ago Responses:

CKMarshall4566 "Hang in there, your job as a military wife is just as important as your husband's job to his country. Support means everything! Keep your chin up and always feel like you can contact me for a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk with :) *hugs*" 50 weeks ago

Aunt cookie "god bless you and entre military servers hugs aunt coikie" 51 weeks ago

Knightgale "Hellooo, my apologies, but do not come here often and check the boards, but been there, done that, as you have spoken, but I was a few yrs older than you back then, and had two small babies as well. It was most difficult during those years, in a strange town, not knowing anyone, and having to hoof it on my own, with no help or support, 2 tours of viet nam was a nitemare for me, I was so terribly lonely and NO one to talk to, had NO friends, and cried myself to sleep many nites.I do understand how you felt and are feeling, I realize your notes were weeks ago, but does not erase the pain and anguish you are/were feeling, being a military wife is a special breed, we have to learn to do things/take care of things, being mom and dad(if with children)Our hubby's being away, leaves a void/hole in our hearts, the emptyness cannot be explain, in fear daily, he may not come back home. I wish I could say something to ease your pain, give your some comfort and peace, but please know you are never alone, there are thousands of wives going thru exactly what you experience. Believe it or not, it makes us stronger, more self sufficient, tough and ready to be able to take on most anything. We must learn to be independent, be able to take care of ourselves in our lives, tho the only thing we want most, is to have our hubbies back with us as a family. I do sincerely wish you many blessings, that you can find peace, comfort and happiness in your world...I do hope you are doing ok, that each day will bring you more to the comfort and peace level, than when you wrote your notes. Unfortunately life's journeys are many, we must be able to pick up the pieces and move on, and "paying forward" for "others" :)" 51 weeks ago